Letting go of someone we love is very hard but at times it’s necessary so we can save ourselves. First, we need to understand the reasons why we tend to hold on and afraid to let go. In my opinion, one of the main reasons is love. Falling in love is one of the best feelings when it’s right and reciprocated. By the same token, it can be one of the worst things that can ever happen to anyone. When we fall in love with the wrong person, we suffer, and get hurt. Our feelings are already deeply invested, so it makes it harder to let go. I would never judge anyone’s decision especially when it involves love and relationship because I have been there and everything is easier said than done. When we truly love and care for someone, it’s difficult to picture the future without them and for those reasons we hold on and hope that it will work out one day. That leads me to another reason which is being comfortable. When we are in long term relationships, we tend to fall into a pattern and get comfortable with that. There’s a difference between being comfortable and being happy. The last reason that I can think of is worried about what people will say. In a way we feel like a failure, we feel trapped, and perhaps embarrassed so we refuse to let go.
Now that you have a better understanding why we are afraid to let go, the next point is trying to figure out if it’s worth fighting for, and knowing how to let go if it’s not. Let me start by saying that I’m a sucker for love, and I may not be in a relationship, but I love seeing other people happy and in love. With that being said, I love hard, and I’m not ashamed to fight for who I love. When you’re genuinely in love, trust me you would not want to walk away easily, but the key is knowing when to let go. I wouldn’t encourage anyone to give up on their relationship over simple things that can be worked out. There are no perfect relationships because no one is perfect, but love is a two way street and requires work. You can’t be selfish and not willing to compromise. No matter how much you love someone, if they don’t appreciate and treat you right, they simply don’t deserve you. Love makes us vulnerable and sometimes people take advantage of that. Some people will try to keep you around because they know what you have to offer and don’t want to lose those benefits. You should be wise enough to know the difference because someone who truly loves you wouldn’t want to see you hurt or even worse be the reason you are hurting. The last thing you want is losing yourself trying to hold on to someone who doesn’t care to lose you.
The time spent with someone shouldn’t prevent you from starting over if you’re unhappy. Yes, you two have history but not all history is good history. We tend to confuse being comfortable with being happy. When you are comfortable you are not necessarily happy, you just settle and accept the situation for what it is. On the other hand, when you’re happy it feels right, you feel safe and want to grow with that person. Life is too short to be unhappy. No one deserves to be unhappy in a relationship, and sometimes you have to build the courage to move on. You’re probably afraid of moving on because you don’t know what the future holds. You need to have faith and trust that God have better things in store for you. You can’t get the right person if you are holding on to the wrong one. You also have to realize that you have a lot to offer and deserve the same in return. When you know your worth you’ll find it harder trying to stay with someone who doesn’t. A lot of people are in a relationship, yet they feel single. If you have a partner and feel alone, then you might as well be alone. You deserve to be with someone who brings you joy, cares about you, makes you a priority, respects you, supports you, brings positivity to your life, and treats you so well that you don’t have to question their love. The right person will appreciate and treat you like the king or queen that you are.
Letting go is hard but holding on is even harder. Just because you choose to leave someone that doesn’t mean they are not a good person, they are just not “your person”. When we are in long term relationships, friends and family kind of become part of the relationship which makes it harder for us to let go. You shouldn’t stay with someone because you are worried about what people will say, at the end of the day people will always have something to say, but that’s your life. I could have been a statistic of a failed marriage, but I was wise enough not to let it get that far. When I made the decision to call off my engagement, other people’s opinion were not my concern, my happiness and well being were my priorities. No one ever knew what was going on in my relationship, so I wasn’t worried about them. A toxic relationship can affect you spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally. You have to be honest with yourself and come to the conclusion that you don’t want to live that way. Let your partner know how you feel and that you are making a decision that is best for you. Keep in mind that people will treat you the way that you allow them to, and the more chances you give to someone the less respect, they’ll have for you.
After you make the decision, you’ll feel broken, and that’s normal because you had to let go of someone that you care about. It will take time, but you’ll get through it. You were living your life before you met that person, so you will be fine without them. Go out there and do things that you enjoy either alone or with people that genuinely care and support you. I went to counseling after my break up which helped me a lot, and you can do the same if you feel like it’s needed. A break up can be a learning experience and have a positive influence in your life. Don’t rush into another relationship to get over someone, take the time to grow, to figure out what you want from a partner, and what you can do better for your next relationship. A breakup gives you another opportunity to get it right. Everyone deserves true love, be patient it’ll be worth it.
Until next time,